Sunday, December 18, 2005


In front of me is a wall to wall of books. Curious, I reach for an interesting looking red-and-black spine and pull it out. It is a sheaf of bound yellowed parchment. Expecting a tale of magic and fantasy, I open it at a random page. I drop the book in shock. On the open page is a movie playing, balck-and-white characters obviously going through the motions described in the book. It is not my book. Gingerly picking it up, I smooth it closed, replace it and reach for another one.
And another.
And another.
Frustration and panic mounts, of all the one I have seen so far, none of them are the one story I want, the one book that has my words - not another's vision.
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is...


Blogger Harish Suryanarayana said...

Wow ! That could be the first chapter of an Oscar Wilde level novel vis-a-vis Picture of Dorian Gray.

10:47 am GMT-8  
Blogger Camphor said...

harish ~ Thanks, although I do not think anyone can seriously be compared to Wilde, that man was something else

9:14 pm GMT-8  
Blogger PRADEEP K. said...

Camphor, that is the first section of our own book. Those are your very own words, and not anothers vision.

You won't have to search a "wall" of books, because you make your book as you go along. It is for you to write and for others to read.

Look into your heart. That is your "mine".

10:08 pm GMT-8  
Blogger Incognito said...

Bravo! Well written!

Finding impression or rather intursion of other people's thoughts? You wanted a tale of magic/fantasy of your own, to hold close. Though you were left with evidence of the same, belonging to others? Is that it?

Well, I am reading your book, now.
With your words. Your soul. In your pages.

12:21 am GMT-8  
Blogger Kini said...

I confess I'm a little lost.

Your book... your story... your words. How could it possibly appear elsewhere. You don't "search" for your book. You create it, write it with your own fingers. It's the prettiest part of the story. That fact that somebody created it out of thin air. Just a keyboard or a pen and the thin wisps of one's magical imagination. You could never "find" that.

Make miracles... don't look for em.

2:00 am GMT-8  
Blogger the Monk said...

you'll find it...just keep lookin...

3:12 am GMT-8  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Are you in the wrong room...someone else's perhaps?
Maybe you shouldn't be in a room...

You'll find it's a part of you after all.

2:22 am GMT-8  
Blogger The man in the box said...

your book is not there because perhaps you have a lot of emtpy pages to fill?

11:26 am GMT-8  
Blogger freak of mind said...

"The existence of things is not in dispute.
It is the manner in which they exist that must be clarified."

-- Dalai Lama XIV

Searching is what u do all thro ur life.

Just BE the person you want to become. That's it! There are many things that you can become so long as you're determined to become it.So long as u search U wud get ur book.ur OWN book not anyone elses book but ur own.

Eg Modesty isn't something we gradually learn. We have to CHOOSE to be modest. When we choose to be modest, we just BE MODEST, and before v know we're modest.

12:49 pm GMT-8  
Blogger MTT Publishing said...

I'm always amazed at the power of your voice whenever I read your stuff. It's great. You should publish your journals someday. It's good introspection of you. You should be proud.

10:59 pm GMT-8  
Blogger >|' ; '| said...

someday this blog might satisfy that vision...and dont delete the blog ever. i think that i made a pretty stupid decision with that...

8:49 am GMT-8  
Blogger silverine said...

Just read this post and the last one on rain. Amazing reads.Both the posts made me feel that you were searching for a connection....

8:37 pm GMT-8  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

That was lovely - reverie threaded with introspection and the futility of a search.

1:59 am GMT-8  
Blogger Camphor said...

All ~ thank you for your support! :)

pradeep ~ Ah but you see, they did not come easily, and they do not come now,as they used to, as they ought.

incognito ~ Thank you. Yes, the whole question - apart form my current writers block - is how original is original? Especially in the magic / fantasy genre.

kini ~ I always thought that one finds one's stories within oneself. It's created out of thin air, but when suddenly you find that it's gone, that ability to distill vaccuum into something -you do search, don't you?

monk ~ I do hope so. :) It's only a matter of time, I suppose.

phoenix ~ It never occured to me that it migth be someone else's room -- now that would be something I'd sob over, if I found all those tales were not mine at least. :)

the man in the box ~ And I can't find what to fill it with!!

freak of mind ~ And when the search yeilds no resutls, frustration is the result.

mtt ~ :D Thank you. Maybe one day they will be publish, but those journals are not seeing the world till I am dead and gone and dust besides. :)

-poison- ~ It is fulfilling that vision, but only in a very small way. And no, I will never have the heart to delete this blog. Change addresses and tell no one, maybe. Delete, no way. :)

silverine ~ You have great insight... and yes, I'm searching in both. :) Glad you could drop in...

DC ~ Thank you, m'lady. :)

2:49 am GMT-8  
Blogger Viveka said...

wow...thts all i can say after readin this post of urs...its so simple yet so beautiful :)

7:50 am GMT-8  
Blogger Arz000n said...

so where was it??
got the reply yet??

5:16 am GMT-8  
Blogger S said...

if it's really yours and yours alone...u'll surely find it someday! lovely btw :D

2:23 am GMT-8  
Blogger Harish said...

totally lost!
is there a map I could use in that bookshelf? :)

10:25 am GMT-8  
Blogger Humour and last laugh said...

At least not in the library or a book shop!

12:37 am GMT-8  
Blogger Aesa said...

long since i have been here..
and all i can say is wow

3:34 am GMT-8  
Blogger WA said...

Wish you a very happy new year Camphor

9:18 pm GMT-8  
Blogger Camphor said...

viveka ~ thanks!

arz000n ~ it's gone! *sob*

s ~ Mine alright, adn I'm hanging on to that very hope.

harish ~ I'm sure. Rigth here- My muse is gone, and I can't find my inspiration.

humour and last laugh ~ thank you for droppign by on my blog! It's in me, I think. :)

aesa ~ thankie girl. :D One tries to live up to one's expectations.

WA ~ Thank you, and to you too. :)

4:54 am GMT-8  

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